At the moment as I write this on New Year’s Eve, I don’t feel reborn. Perhaps I will tomorrow? Maybe that’s my New Year’s resolution – to experience rebirth and feel golden.
I’m at a low point because I had felt hopeful after completing my vaccinations in November, and the lifting of NSW’s lockdown in December. And then Omicron took over. At the same time, my son secured a job in the US and will be traveling back soon. And then, the day after Christmas my brother died (in the US). More grief, more uncertianty about the future. This is not the new beginning I had hoped for, but it is part of life. There will always be circumstances beyond my control.
I can only control me, my actions and what I want to focus my mind and heart on. That’s enough to deal with. I made the mistake of looking into all the latest informationm about COVID and Omicron over that last few days, wondering when I can plan a trip back to the US. It’s fine for young and healthy people to not be too concerned about catching COVID-19, I was like that too when I was younger. But my circumstances are different now so I need to be more cautious about illness. I should also be careful about how much news I take in on a daily basis as it’s not helpful to my mental health.
Butterflies Emerge from Cocoons
I do feel like I’ve been in a cocoon for a little too long, but I have tried to make good use of my time. I sometimes wonder what the world will be like when we emerge from the pandemic. Will it be better? Will it meet our expectations? Will we feel more freedom? Will we appreciate life anew?
For now, I’ll continue to prepare myself in my little cocoon with the expectation that I will be different. That this time will be spent healing old wounds and recreating myself. I see no other way forward, like the caterpillar who has no way out until it’s wings are complete.
What is Your Wish for 2022?
I’m sure that most people are hoping that the pandemic will end in 2022. I’m hoping that I can see my children again, and that I can decide where I will live and what I want to spend my time working on. I’m hoping to make peace with the past and renew my inspiration about the future. I’m intending to spend more time enjoying the present moments, no matter what is happening in the world. Of course I’d like the pandemic to end too, but I’m not relying on that.
I found it interesting that Shelley’s message that came with this week’s prompt word, “Golden”, was about kindness and surrounding yourself with kindred souls. This is something that is lacking in my life, partly because of COVID lockdowns, partly because I’m a widow, and partly because half of my family and friends are on the other side of the world.
Finding “kindred spirits” is something I’ve been working on since I arrived in Australia. I had some degree of success before the pandemic started, but not enough. This is something I will be working on more in 2022, so it’s fitting to end this year of 2021 thinking about people. The people I want to surround myself with because they also want to be with me.
Happy New Year 2022!
May you live peacefully and abundantly surrounded by love.