The prompt “intensifying” felt a little scary to me. I have already lived a very intense life, so for the past two years I’ve been focused on calming down. There are still a lot of intense things going on around me, and there always will be, so I cut myself off from a lot of it. For me, intensity is a trigger for old wounds, so why would I want to intensify anything?

As I scrolled through the multitude of random images in Freemix, the appropriate ones for my collage quickly popped up and made me laugh. The scary and demanding demi-god with mercyless dictates of what is right and wrong represents that critical inner voice. My nurturing self pulling back into the security of my sensitive creative being, thinking: No! I’m going to recreate this and make it something I can be happy with. I may look like a fearful and cowering nymph but I am strong, clever and perservering. I will prevail and prosper with love.

I am laughing still at these images. But even now when I look at the colors in my collage above they are too intense for me. I want to escape to the calm neutrals of my home, the greenery of my potted plants and the beauty of my ocean view. I surround myself with calm to buffer life’s harshness.

But intensity is not always harsh, and sometimes it is very necessary. The trick is to know when it’s right for yourself and when it’s not. Currently, the intensity of my focus is moving toward creative expression.

Finding Expressive Freedom

I love this quote that Shelley included in this weeks prompt:

HEALING COLLAGE Week 40: Expressive “There is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.” ~ Martha Graham

Imagine that you are a unique expression of all the forces in the universe. Truth, love, beauty and goodness make up the cells of your body and the breath of your spirit. Through your birth something new was made possible and you are the only one who can live and express your potential in your own unique way. That is amazing don’t you think?

For a long time I kept many things inside, not feeling free to express myself. I always felt that others were more knowledgeable, more talented, and more important than myself. I stayed in a learner and supporter role for most of my life, and that’s not all bad. I’m very grateful for all I’ve learned and for the good people I’ve worked with. But there have been many times when I wanted to speak up but didn’t. There have been many times when I wanted to create something different, but I supressed my creativity.

Now is different. I feel empowered to be myself and live my life my way. I can thank Shelly Klammer and her Expressive Art Courses for helping to liberat my mind and heart. But there are other people and practices that have helped me as well, too many to name. And I have to thank myself too, for being relentless in pursuing an authentically creative life.