I never could have imagined what it would be like to lose my husband, my lifelong partner and friend. It’s something you don’t think about ahead of time. We were so busy planning our next goals, creating the life we both wanted, that we never considered one of us dying early. Now I miss him every day.

My husband passed away on May 20, 2019. I haven’t been able to write or even think clearly for the past 8 months. The last 6 months have been like a cyclone. As his illness was getting worse, we both just held on for more time, believing we could will it to happen.

Since he passed away I’ve been in a deep valley covered in fog. Sometimes I see a little sunlight and sense that there’s fresh air beyond, and sometimes it’s like I’m struggling to breathe and see my way ahead. I don’t know how much time grieving takes, but I can feel that it’s a process that changes you over a period of time. You feel you’ve lost something so valuable, but the painful process of adjustment makes you seek something eternally valuable. I’m not going to get lost in my pain, I’m going to transform through it.

Instead of thinking about the tragedy and pain involved in his death, I want to celebrate his life and love. So I’m sharing here the slideshow I created for his funeral. The funeral director told me it was one of the most beautiful services he’d ever seen, and he’d been in the business for over 20 years. Well my husband deserved a beautiful send off to heaven because he was a beautiful man.

Now I want to build on what we created together. We still had hopes and dreams to fulfill, not just for us as a couple but for our family. Our lifetime dream was to establish a residence in Australia, my husband’s home country. My husband wanted to continue to promote art education in Australia and the Pacific island nations.

I’m still in Australia now and I don’t want to leave. I want to continue the plans we made together. I want to stay connected to his family here too. He’s part of my heart and soul and we go beyond time and space. Just because I can’t see him doesn’t mean he’s not nearby. This is his hometown, his country, and now it’s mine too.